Parenting in the time of Corona: Elementary School Children

We are starting yet another week of the new normal. This demi-reality combines constant shifts in regulations and concerns and yet for most, we have settled into some sort of routine. Life has a tendency to develop its own rhythm even in the midst of chaos. Parenting is of course no different.

Today, I will share some thoughts on the special challenges of parenting elementary school children in the time of Corona or as we now call it COVID-19!

Open channels of communication

Parental involvement and guidance is the most powerful supportive factor for children during this time. It is very important to create open channels of communication, so that children know that it is okay to share their thoughts and concerns. Being secretive and hiding information from children of these ages is usually ineffective as they are likely to become exposed through other avenues.

Try and discuss the situation openly with your child in a comfortable setting.  Share concerns and thoughts with them whilst repeatedly reassuring them of all the ways their safety is being ensured. Encourage your child to approach you with any questions they have regarding the situation or any new information they become exposed to.

Information influx

The problem for most of us in the digital age is how to set boundaries and create a sense of “inside” and “outside”. This is particularly challenging trying to manage boundaries of self in this current situation. The virus outbreak has unleashed a media frenzy, with different opinions and approaches, fake news, real news, panic-mongering, unrealistic soothing.

How do we find a balance between remaining informed, sharing realistic information with our children and still maintaining a sense of security for them? It is essential for parents to be aware that information sharing occurs on endless channels and not solely through official news reports etc. Information, concerns and thoughts about the Coronavirus outbreak are shared by youtubers, in tiktok videos, social networking sites and through regular innocent chats between children. It is impossible to completely shelter children from exposure, so here are some ideas to manage the impact that unmonitored information influx can cause:

1. Find useful and age appropriate resources and share them with your child. Excellent resources exist which explain the Coronavirus in child friendly, factual ways that minimize alarm. The more informed children feel, the more empowered they will be to ignore alarmist or non-factual information.
2. Show interest in what your child is viewing and chatting about. Ask them to share what they have enjoyed watching, chatted about or learned during the day. It is important to approach this from a place of openness. Being defensive or approaching their digital usage with suspicion is likely to cause children to shut down. Try to share their experience with them with interest. When open channels of communication are established, it is far easier to monitor their usage, correct misperceptions or minimize the effect of damaging information.
3. Wherever possible, guide children to make wise choices about their internet usage and about the type of information they consume. This is important in terms of all internet usage and now in particular.

Maintaining normalcy

Children of all ages find comfort in routines so whether staying home or in a new surrounding, it is essential to create a new routine that children can settle in to. A core difficulty that results from the current situation is that children’s capacity to choose and sense of personal control is limited. This creates a lot of discomfort for children in this age group.

Holding family discussions and encouraging children to provide their input regarding new routines is a great way to help them feel somewhat in control of their day to day routine. The new routine should be healthy and productive as defined by parents, however it is okay to allow children a little more room for preferred activities than usual.

Productive family activities

Given the fact that many children are stuck inside for a large part of the day and are involved in online schooling, they will need positive outlets.

It is important to recognize that children who are not receiving their usual social and physical outlets, might be frustrated, unsettled or irritable.

Try and find outlets for children, both physically and creatively. This also offers a good opportunity for positive, quality time as a family.

Some ideas can be:

1. Exercise: Wherever possible get outdoors, hike, walk, bike, skate. Allow children to release energy. When this is not possible, utilizing online exercise classes is helpful. Try a few different options and see what your child likes the most. Try and do them together as a fun joint acitivity
2. New activities: During this time where children are often at home more, try and transform household chores into fun experiences. Vacuum with music blasting, find child friendly recipes and cook with your child, give your child a special responsibility (like being the “plant waterer”).
3. Be creative: Make slime, home made play dough, paint, draw, do home-made science experiemnts. The internet is full of ideas for creative activities at home. Try and ask your child to search for ones that are interesting to them
4. Play family games: Pull out a board game you haven’t played for a while, learn a new card game together, start a family puzzle

As a family, laughter is always the best medicine. Try introduce humor. Laugh whenever you can. Watch age appropriate comedy together. Laugh together. It is such a healing and connective experience.

Social outlets

Most children are separated from their friends, whether in different countries or isolated at home. It is important to recognize that this separataion can be very difficult for children. It is important to put effort into helping your child to connect with friends and family members on a daily basis to lower the sense of isolation. When children are able to share their experience with friends, they are validated in their experience which helps them to feel less lonely.

Security

A child’s sense of security in the world is significantly affected by their experience between ages 6 and 12. This is of course concerning, as the worry and anxiety generated by this situation has the strong potential to make children to feel unsafe in their world. It is important to repeatedly talk to your child, showing them the ways in which they are safe and taken care of. Children need to hear this repeatedly especially as the influx of information may indicate a different reality. Safety is also based in the relationship with parents. Being present and open in the communication is essential to a child’s sense of safety.

Watching out for warning signs

Children of this age may show their difficulty in many different ways. It is important to look out for changes in children’s mood and behavior. Children may become irritable or even angry and aggressive. Others may become quiet and shutdown. Some may be more clingy and need more comforting that usual. Changes in appetite, frequency in toilet-usage and sleep patterns are all indications that your child may be feeling upset or anxious. That is precisely the time to approach your child, show affection, and encourage them to share any concerns or fears they may have. 

Parental support

As parents, seeking support for yourselves and outlets with other parents experiencing similar things is very helpful to ensure you don’t feel alone as you deal with this unfamiliar situation.