I have lived in Shenzhen, China for the past 12 years. South Africa is where I was born, Israel is my ultimate home but China has definitely become my second home. My three children were born here and I have worked as a psychologist in private practice for almost a decade in Shenzhen. I have had the vast priviledge to meet so many people and learn their personal China story. There are so many stories. Those of native Chinese residents living in one of the fastest advancing cities in the world. Those of travelers exploring a new culture. Those of expats, working in China or making it their home.
Nothing, nothing at all could, have prepared any of us for the demi-reality of the last month in the face of the Coronavirus. This situation has startled the world, left millions in isolation and millions more displaced. It is at a time like this, in a reality that is so unfamiliar to us all, that we need to re-evaluate and restructure coping mechanisms.
The concept of a DEMI-REALITY really struck me, because there is nothing that I have personally experienced that is quite like it. There is no clear picture of what is right and wrong. People are seeking a new normal in a reality which is no way close to normal. People feel as if they are hanging in limbo in an undefined space, and the length of this limbo is completely unclear. Boundaries keep moving as numbers keep rising.
After the past week, sharing experiences with clients and friends, I have tried to consider some potential effective coping mechanisms to put into action in the interim. I believe therapy to be a co-constructed process and working with clients, we have bounced ideas back and forth to see what might work in the interim. Over the coming days, and as things change, I will try to share ideas and thoughts.
- Short-term planning: Given the fact that the situation is changing constantly, people feel as if they should be checking in to updates and making decisions or double-checking their existing plans constantly. This is a bit of an emotional trap, feeling as if there is a constant back and forth. Should we stay or leave, keep isolated or go outside, plan for long-term alternatives or wait it out? As we really don’t know what tomorrow holds, it is most effective to make a plan for short periods. What will we do for the next 2 days. Take time to make plans for a few days and maintain those plans unless something changes drastically.
- Setting limits to fact checking and notifications: People often feel that it is essential to constantly check in to monitor the situation and that might lead us to checking the news hourly and receiving notification constantly. While it is important to stay informed, constant checking is usually more detrimental than helpful. Try to set aside one or two times a day where you check information, to limit the constant emotional rollercoaster generated by new information.
- Add some lightness to the gravity: Reality on the news seems grave and dark, and it is easy to sink into that. As as result, our emotional state and resilience may be impaired. Therefore, keeping humor and lightness in our day to day is essential. Try and do things that keep your spirits up. Watch some light-hearted television, listen to funny podcasts, play family games, put on happy music and dance in your living room. Try as much as possible to introduce a bit of joy in whatever way works for you.
- Use this precious time: For many of us, the situation has left us with some free time. This is a rare period where we may have more time on our hands than usual. Tidy that closet that you have been meaning to, paint that picture that you haven’t had time for, read the book that has been waiting next to your bedside, call the friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. People have even tried to do new things like baking or cooking something they haven’t done before. This is a demi-reality so a good time to try something new. It is a good distraction and way to reframe the situation as something that can be slightly positive.
- Keep Healthy: This goes way beyond masks and hand sanitizer. Eating wholesome meals whenever possible nourishes our body. Exercise (even through online videos which are widely available) gets our happy hormones (endorphins) pumping through our veins. Breathing some fresh air signals to our body that we are doing okay (even if by just opening windows if no other option is possible).
- Find support: Isolation is one of the biggest difficulties people are facing now, whether through chosen or defined home isolation or being in a foreign country and unable to return to China. It is essential to make sure you don’t feel alone. Touch base, call friends and family, meet up with other people in the same situation as you are. There are millions in the same boat as you are. While we can’t solve the situation, we can at least combat feelings of loneliness for each other.
For many of us, Coronavirus has presented emotional challenges even if we are far out of physical harm’s way. Maintaing emotional health for ourselves and our families at this time is essential. I hope to provide more thoughts and ideas over the coming days. Some may fit, some completely not. If even a bit resonates, that’s something. Sending all warmest wishes for physical and emotional wellbeing. And remember, you are not alone in this!
